Story time: ISIS and Islam…

on , most recently modified on

Yesterday an ISIS member stopped the car of a Christian couple.

ISIS: Are you Muslims?

Man: Yes, we are Muslims.

ISIS: Okay. If you are Muslim, then recite a verse from the Quran.

Man: Let those fight in the cause of Allah who sell the life of this world for the hereafter. He who fights in the cause of Allah and is killed or achieves victory – We will bestow upon him a great reward.

ISIS: Hmm. I am not convinced. Give me another.

Man: I will cast terror into the hearts of those who disbelieve. Therefore strike off their heads and strike off from them every fingertip.

ISIS: Alright. You can go.

The Christian couple drove out of the sights of ISIS. The woman thought she was done for and is surprised they got away with it.

Woman: I cannot believe the risk you just took.

Man: What do you mean?

Woman: Well, you just winged the whole thing, didn’t you? The ISIS guy didn’t even realise we’re not Muslims.

Man: Yeah, it was scary. I’m glad I read the Quran.

Woman: What?!

Man: Yeah, I read the Quran cover to cover.

Woman: Really?

Man: Of course, I did. There is no way I would’ve got away if I didn’t know some verses from the Quran.

Woman: No, we would have. You see, they didn’t read the Quran. ISIS is not Islam.

Man: I’m afraid you’re wrong, dear. They’ve read the Quran. They know it word for word and they believe in it.

Woman: Why do all the Muslims we know keep saying then that ISIS has nothing to do with Islam?

Man: I don’t know. I was of the same mind. I decided enough is enough. I read the Quran in a bid to convince myself and everyone else beyond any reasonable doubt that ISIS is not Islam. The more I read, though, the more I was convinced that ISIS is Islam. They’re Islam in its truest form.

Woman: If he knew you were lying he would have killed both of us.

Man: Well, not really.

Woman: You had a backup plan?

Man: No, they just wouldn’t kill the both of us. I’ve read the Quran you see. They have rather inventive ways of handling infidels. They’ll most likely have killed me, sure, but let’s just say you would have a worse time of it.

They had fun for the rest of the day. The next day they were stopped by another ISIS member. He asked to check the glove box of their car in which he found a bible. The couple did not live happily ever after.